Failure should never be associated with birth
I'm feeling a little ranty today, but I've seen and heard lot about women shaming themselves and their birth experiences recently. Too often, we hear of women describing their births as failures: "I had a c-section; I failed"; "I had to have an epidural so I failed in my plan for a natural birth"; "I couldn't do it"; "I wasn't built to birth"; "I failed to progress"...STOP! Did you have a baby? YES! Does it matter if that baby came out of your vagina with or without assistance? Or if that baby arrived through a necessary operation? NO! You birthed your baby - you and a goddess and you rock! Undoubtedly, you did what was right for you and your baby on the day. What matters isn't about WHAT happens, it's about HOW YOU FEEL about how those decisions were arrived at. Sadly, our society's approach to birth often sensationalises the negative experience of birth. We wallow in feeling badly about the decisions made; I've been there - I know what I did! I didn't do The Wise Hippo birthing programme with my daughter; I hypnobirthed, but I didn't know what I know now and what I am now passionate about teaching - that I had a choice! I felt like I had 'failed' in achieving my ambition to give birth naturally without assistance for a very long time. I didn't feel that the decisions made were of my making, I didn't feel informed that I had a choice or what those choices were, I ended up feeling that my birth had been taken from me. No-one should feel badly about their birth; it is an amazing, empowering and frankly fantastic thing to have done to have created, grown and birthed a baby (then there's the raising that baby...but that's another blog!). You birthed a baby; how can that ever be considered a failure? As individuals and as a society, we've got to stop looking for blame and shame, berating the experience. Instead we must celebrate. Celebrate birthing. Celebrate our achievement - because it's always an achievement...often, it's those 'imperfect' births that should be celebrated all the more, because it's taken more stamina, more strength of character and more recovery than a 'perfect' birth to achieve. What we teach with The Wise Hippo; to trust your instincts and to feel empowered in YOUR choices. We can't ever know what will happen during each individual birth; every birth, every pregnancy, every woman, every baby; is different. We can plan and prepare for, and dream of the 'perfect' birth and yes, sometimes (a lot of the time with The Wise Hippo - check out our 2014 stats) this is achieved - through confidence and effective education and preparation - but not always. What matters is that you had a choice; that you enacted that choice; that you based your decision on fact and intuition; that you took account of the situation you faced in that moment, and; that you felt empowered, confident and knowledgeable about yourself, your baby and your rights in that moment - that's what makes your birth the right birth on the day for you. You didn't 'fail'. You can never 'fail'. Your body didn't fail you or your baby. You made decisions that were right for you on the day; for your baby's safe arrival and for you. Start celebrating that; celebrating yourself, your achievement and downright awesomeness at creating, carrying and birthing a whole new human!
